Thank you Grimsby

Your poetic words or ideas.

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Thank you Grimsby

Postby enigma » Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:12 pm

I came here just four years ago,
At the lowest point of my life,
Why Grimsby I did not know,
I just needed to escape from strife.

In this town I did find,
A friend, A lover, A calling,
The people here were so kind,
They saved My soul from falling.

It was the people here,
that finally made me see,
That there is nothing to fear,
in being who I want to be.

So a big thanks to you all,
Though you do not know it,
you saved me from a deadly fall,
And made me into a poet.

This town openly welcomed me,
Without a single intent,
now to make others see,
What a town can represent.[/b]

This poem is dedicated to all the citizens of Great Grimsby.[/size]
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Location: Grimsby

Postby enigma » Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:23 pm

If there is anyone online right know, I am in the mood for talking, or is it one of those sights where people only log on two or three times a year. [/b]
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Postby K » Sun Jun 24, 2007 1:29 am


The idea of using Grimsby as a poetic source is a good one. But I found little in the poem that drew me in, what about the smell of fish when you first entered Grimsby? What about the industrial horizon? what about the subliminal sounds of the factories buzzing away? - smells, sights, sounds!

I also found the poem very telling, rather than showing.

It's more or less a list, a piece of prose cut up to resemble poetry.

Now I may sound harsh (even patronising) I certainly don't mean to!

How is anyone to learn without legitimate input and feedback?

Here are a few guidelines that I found helpful when I first started writing "Poetry" I'm no expert, I'm still struggling with meter and the many guidelines poetry draws, but once we have mastered the fundamentals, then we can strart making our own rules!

Without wishing to be prescriptive, there are certain generally accepted dos and don'ts when writing contemporary poetry:

*Try to avoid using archaic language like "thee" and "thou" etc. In fact, avoid any word you would not use in ordinary speech.

* Avoid using elisions such as "o'er" or "ne'er". Elision was a technique used by poets in previous centuries to reduce the number of syllables in a metrical line and looks very dated today.

*Avoid using cliches or worn-out constructions such as "shifting sands" or "dancing daffodils". Look for something fresh instead.

*Avoid using abstractions. "Love", "Beauty", "God", "Truth" etc mean different things to different people. So try to be specific.

*Show, don't tell. Remember Eliot's "objective correlative". Find a way of showing how an emotion affects you or your character. "She is sad" = telling. "She slumps on the sofa eating Mars Bars non-stop" = showing.

*If you use rhyme - consider whether you are controlling it or it is controlling you. If the latter, then maybe you should try free verse or half rhyme.

*Avoid altering the normal word order of a sentence to accommodate a rhyme scheme, as in: "He to the bathroom went."

*Check your poem carefully for spelling mistakes and incorrect punctuation.

*Avoid excessive use of adjectives.

*Cut out every word you dare.

Hope this is helpful, and I do look forward to further banter!

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Re: Thank you Grimsby

Postby martin shaw » Sun Dec 09, 2012 7:21 pm

K, But you can say 'I am sad,' LOOK, I've written this for you

Plumber Bob @ sons

I am sad
like my dad
who died installing a giant rad'.

It blinded him with stagnant ink
then I bashed him with the kitchen sink.

On his deathbed of copper pipe,
he gave himself a forehead wipe
and asked me what I didn’t like........

...............about him.

You played the field, I said
going red
and kicking in his greasy head.

He managed to say, well that’s just life.

But what about your ** wife?

(He grabbed my hand and looked into the sky)

Forgive me son as I go to heaven
But I forgot to say, your mums a *?
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