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Prompts

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:03 pm
by John A Silkstone
Hi Folks,

Thought I start up a new section called 'prompts'. I will start it off with a prompt and short story to show you what I mean. Then we can start a new one every week and if we get enough response other people can start giving the prompts.

The first prompt is 'THE SUN BEATS DOWN ON MY BACK' this needs to be in the story, and it can be anywhere within the story.


The sun beats down on my back with as little mercy as the Captain of the ship had.
The rope securing my wrists to the mast, bit into my flesh as I hear Mr. Roberts the watch officer shout, "Boson - commence the punishment."

No sooner had he spoke the words, when I felt the whip bite into the flesh of my back and a searing pain ran from my right shoulder to my left kidney. I clenched my jaw muscles and bit into the piece of wood that had been placed in my mouth. As the whip repeatedly dug into my flesh, sweat began to pore down my forehead and run into my eyes, but the pain of the lasses didn't allow the pain of the salt sweat to register. I could now feel small rivulets of blood running from the deep cuts the whip had inflicted. I lost count of the strokes as a black screen descended over my eyes as I collapsed into unconsciousness.


You see it doesn't have to be a long piece and I'm not looking for perfection.

Silky

The sun beats down on my back

PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 8:42 pm
by enigma
The sun beats down on my back as I stood there. Johnny still had the pistol to my right temple, and was raving on about the Government agents he thought were watching him.

I felt the cold barrel of the gun tremble and thought I was dead there and then. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, Johnny had been my best friend for the past nine years and I did not even recognise him. The white spittle in the corners of his mouth, the bloodshot eyes, and the pale, clammy skin made him look rabid. Who is this kid, I thought.

"Your one of them", He screamed, his voice rough from a combination of crying and shouting.

"Your a ** spy", he growled, forcing my head to the side with the gun. I didnt know what to say, I was still in shock.

Johnny had come round to my place like he always does after school, my mum made us both a a sandwich and we joked around. Later we got into the blue Ford pickup my dad had bought me for my 16th birthday, and went for a drive. Johnny suggested we head out to the desert track and floor it. But once we got out there he pulled out his dads gun, and told me to get out.

"Talk to me", he screamed.

"I'm not a spy, I'm seventeen!", I pleaded, hoping to reason with him. He wiped at the sweat in his eyes with my t-shirt.

"Dont lie, I've seen your people. Dressing like kids at our school, and the teachers, even my parents are in on it. Shit, I'm not stupid" he said to me as though I was a three year old.

"Christ Johnny, how can I prove it to you if you already believe I am a spy", I said in a low tone. I've seen Johnny's temper before and new how long he could gon on for. I'll never get out of this, I thought. I had already removed my t-shirt to prove to him I wasnt wired, and was now trying to think of another way to stall him.

"You've known me for years, man", I said and he stared at me with a cold, blank expression.

"Yeah, I realise that, I also realise how much you know about me Tom", he replied in a deadpan tone of voice, chillingly like a priest giving the last rites. I panicked,

"Are you nuts, come on Johnny, look at yourself. something seriously wrong with you man", I said suppressing a giggle that was rising in my throat as I said this, Oh god I'm delirious, I thought.

"No", he screamed violently, " thats what you want me to think"

I turned sharply to look him in the eye, but I must have startled him as fire flew into my eyes, nothing compared to the pain that came immediatley behind it.

explanation

PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 8:45 pm
by enigma
sorry bout the [i] and [/i] theyre supposed to make it italic as its a thought. thought i would try writing one of these because of the help i recieved on my poems. thanks again man, let me know what you think, and a bit more guidance wouldnt go amiss. Enigma.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:53 am
by wilmots
Hi Enigma,

This is a very good piece of story writing, I realy like it.

I especially like the opening - which in one sentance packs amost the whole story setting and quickly grabs the readers interest to continue reading. Excellent writing.

One little thing to mention is that when writing 'i' as in 'then i', the 'i' should always be CAPITAL as 'then I'.

Regards

thx

PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:29 pm
by enigma
thx wilmots, its nice to know there are people out there.

Re: Prompts

PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 10:08 pm
by John A Silkstone
Hi enigma,

I apologise for being so late in getting back to you, but I have to admit I forgot that I’d place this prompt section on the site.

Now for your work. The story is very good and is written in such a way that it could be extended.

There are a few grammatical mistakes i.e. "Your a ** spy", he growled, forcing my head to the side with the gun. I didnt know what to say, I was still in shock.

Your should be You’re and didnt should be didn’t. there are a few more mistakes like that, so get into the habit of checking your work before you place it on site.

Here is another to have a go at. Write a poem or short story using the word THUNDER.

Silky