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Clarity

PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 7:19 pm
by Kelly-Lou
Hello,

My name is Kelly and after 15 years of getting inspiration to write poems and jotting them down on scrap paper i have recently compiled them altogether to create and print my very own book on Lulu named Clarity. Now i have done this i figure the next step is to find out if they are any good and then decide were to go from here...so might as well start with an example and here it is......

Demons Vs Angels

In my mind your nothing but a rolling fantasy.
So far away to touch, in my broken reality.
Im thinking of the words but there just not clear to me,
My beating pure heart is what i need you to see.

An angel undisguised, is what you'll find,
Struggling to saviour their final piece of mind.
Nothing but love, tenderness and kind,
In this dying race that unselfishness will bind.

Rage takes over in this untalented day.
Nothing but harsh words they are able to say.
Believing they are keeping those demons at bay
when really their the demons in a new modern way.

Crying covers the laughter, causing tears to flow.
The centre of attention, a cold hearted show.
Believing their knowledge, but nothing they know.
Forcing the world to a new all time low.

Thinking of no one but themselves, lacking pride.
Looking for strength, solitude, a place to hide.
Searching for extra time, trying to bide,
Forgetting every one is on lifes rollercoaster ride.

The angels and demons will one day fight eachother
combinations, no hestitations to create a brother
that will release this life, leaving no pain to cover.
United in passion, creating a world thats a lover.

Re: Clarity

PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 11:55 pm
by GrimDad
:bunny:

Hi Kelly,
Liked your post and your poem. What is your Lulu book called ? And is Clarity from your book ?
Trust you will get more helpful feedback here.
(PS. You seem to have a small spelling issue with words that shorten 'are' phrases, as in the first verse
where 'your' should be spelt 'you're' and 'there' should be spelt 'they're'.)

:bunny:

Re: Clarity

PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:25 am
by Kelly-Lou
Hello Grimdad,

Thanks for taking the time to read and post a reply. My Lulu book is called Clarity and this poem Demons Vs Angels is from my book. My book is private on Lulu at the moment as i am going to get feedback from places first to whether i should do something with it. Thank you for the tips on the spelling i must admit its not my strongest point thats why i am grateful for spell check! (although it doesnt pick everything up!) Do you write poems yourself?

Excellent post !

PostPosted: Sun Jan 16, 2011 4:23 pm
by elagehadlyLaw
Excellent post ! You make some brilliant points very nice realization. keep it up gpad

Re: Clarity

PostPosted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 9:02 pm
by Kelly-Lou
Thank you very much :-)

Here is another one from the book

Doctors Orders

The doctor gave me the news today
I couldn’t handle what I heard
I didn’t want to listen to what he had to say
Just the thought of it was absurd.

I know soon the day will come
I won’t be sad I won’t be glum
Because in the sky I know you’ll be
Watching down from heaven over me.

Upon the day you were laid to rest
I had a lot of thoughts running through my head
I realised I didn’t try my best
To tell you I love you and now your dead

Upon the hour I vaguely see
You’re standing tall and beautiful there
I wonder if you remember me
You halo gold upon your hair

So young energetic another life wasted
You’re hopes wishes and dreams all gone
If only you had never hesitated
But you’re not to blame you’re not wrong

Although you’re not upon this earth anymore
In visible form for all to see
Although you have already walked through heaven’s door
In my heart is where you will always be